Opposites Attract!

People often say that opposites attract. Never has this been truer than for my husband and me. I am ISTJ and he is ENFP. Total opposites in every regard.

overview of the two personality types


We have very different personalities and contrasting approaches to many facets of life. Here are a few examples:


Brain Power
I spend time thinking about upcoming appointments, weekend plans, and making lists for the grocery store. I find the topics that he spends time contemplating overly theoretical and impractical, irrelevant to our lives in the here and now. I focus on the details of everyday life, the things that are most pertinent to us in a more realistic time frame.He spends a lot of time thinking about philosophical ideologies, the existence of extraterrestrial lifeforms, social justice issues, and higher realms of consciousness. He finds it tedious to expend brain power on mundane, everyday tasks when there is so much more that the world has to offer. He focuses on the big picture, with extravagant dreams and visions for the future.
Expressing my thoughts and emotions does not come easily to me. When there is something serious that I want to talk about, I prefer to write an email, spelling out all of the points that I want to make, choosing my words carefully, and making sure I don't leave anything important out. I communicate best when I have time and space to plan my thoughts out accordingly, with no pressure to share until I’m ready. He prefers to dialogue and converse in real time. He is able to express his thoughts and emotions very well verbally. He thinks best and often has epiphanies while speaking out loud. After he reads my email, he promptly picks up the phone (if we're not in the same place), so that he can talk to me about the topic at hand. He is able to articulate himself clearly and effectively through verbal communication.
For me, after the basic, "Where are you from? What do you do?" I'm typically at a loss as to how to proceed and have to try very hard to keep the conversation going. I find small talk extremely taxing and not meaningful, and I don’t enjoy it very much. Once I am comfortable and get to know a person fairly well, I am able to relax and not put as much pressure on myself or the situation. That is when I am able to be myself and open up more. This is where my husband shines. He is charismatic, energetic, and has a genuine interest in learning about other people. He is fascinated with people who are different and similar to himself. Even when others are more reserved, he is able to ask all of the right questions to get them sharing about themselves. He is skilled at thinking on his feet and eliminating awkwardness from any situation.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been academically gifted. Doing well in school and getting good grades comes easily to me, when I willingly put in the effort. I’m a particularly fast test taker and reader, and I do well on standardized tests. I excel in areas such as math and science, but I don’t have a wide array of knowledge or interest in many different topics.My husband is very intelligent and able to grasp concepts easily. However, focus can be hard for him to attain and numbers get mixed up in his mind easily. He requires additional time to complete similar work, but he understands the concepts just as well. He has a basic knowledge of a wide array of topics, and is a self-taught expert in certain topics in which he develops a keen interest.
It can be harder for me to empathize with others on a deeper level. I tend to want to give advice to help solve the problem, rather than share in the feelings they are experiencing. I am able to remain fairly detached emotionally and maintain stability and a calm demeanor. It takes a lot for me to get extremely excited, sad, anxious, etc. He can read people effortlessly. He knows immediately when I have something on my mind that I’m not telling him. He feels other people’s feelings very deeply and is extremely affected by the energy (positive or negative) around him. He gets overwhelmed by emotions easily, through situations or by people that are in his life.
Left vs Right Brained
I think more logically and have a harder time coming up with creative ideas. Most of the time, I like to follow the traditional course of action and don’t tend to think outside of the box. I’m great at following deadlines and planning out schedules for completing projects and tasks. He is a very creative individual and needs to express himself through creative outlets, such as music. He has many different interests and not enough time to devote to all of them. He is constantly challenging the way things currently are and looking for better methods of implementation.


Being married to my opposite is both challenging and rewarding. We clash frequently because our thinking and the ways we express ourselves are so different. However, we also complement each other perfectly. I’m competent in the areas that he is not and vice versa. We also have the opportunity to learn from each other and improve in the areas in which we are lacking. The key to maintaining a happy and fulfilling marriage is communication. We have to constantly make sure we are on the same page about the things going on in our lives. Because we communicate so differently, it’s important to be intentional about making this an integral part of our daily lives. We also share a number of fundamental commonalities, such as finances, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and our senses of humor!   


✿ Katie ✿

How to Be Successful at Online Dating

I am by no means an expert at online dating. But considering that I met my husband on a dating website, I must have done something right.

An NPR article published a few years ago reveals that Asian women and Caucasian men are the most favored demographics when it comes to online dating. In that regard, my husband and I did have an advantage in the online dating sphere. However, the number of people who are using dating websites to meet new people is now higher than ever. It gives you an opportunity to interact with people you may never have met otherwise in a safe environment.

Obviously, I cannot guarantee that you will find a lifelong partner on an online dating website, but these tips will help you to utilize this tool in the most effective way possible.

    1. Spend time on your profile

      Your profile is the only way other people can learn about who you are, so use it to express yourself! If you only spend 5 minutes on it, no one will be able to get a clear picture of what you’re about, and it will seem like you’re not serious about meeting anyone new. Talk about your likes and dislikes, your childhood, your occupation – whatever you feel like represents the person that you are. Try to incorporate your sense of humor into the answers as well because that can be an important compatibility factor.

    2. Answer as many questions as possible

      On websites where compatibility is determined through the answers you give to questions (OkCupid, eHarmony, etc.), take the time to answer as many questions as possible. Although it’s not imperative that a couple has everything in common, it certainly provides a starting point, especially for things that are not negotiable. Which leads us to…

    3. Spell out any non-negotiables clearly

      Either in your profile or in the first few conversations that you have with a new person, make sure they understand what types of things you are not willing to negotiate on. These things may include religion, drug use, or anything else that you may feel strongly about. Have these things out in the open early on so that if an incompatibility does exist, no more time is spent on getting to know the wrong person.

    4. Post multiple photos of how you currently look

      We all want to put our best face forward when it comes to posting pictures, but using an outdated photo that does not accurately reflect how you look will only create problems down the road (unless you intend on having a purely online relationship). Use pictures with good lighting and taken from flattering angles, but don’t use a photo that is ten years old or 40 pounds off from what you actually weigh. Posting more pictures will give other people a better idea of what to expect if/when they meet you in person and whether or not they are attracted to you.

    5. Send meaningful messages (quality over quantity)

      When you find someone that you think you may be interested in, don’t be afraid to send them a message. The worst thing they can say is no (or don’t respond). The first impression message is a pretty big deal. As they say, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. The first message should NOT be “Hey, what’s up?” or “I like your pics.”

      First, let the other person know that you took the time to read their profile. Talk about the things you liked reading about them and why you think the two of you would be a good fit. Keep it lighthearted, add some humor, and don’t ramble on for too long. At the end of the message, ask some easy follow up questions, such as “I see you like to run. Have you participated in any races?” This will make it easier for them to have something to write in their response and will also show them you are interested in learning more. Keep asking questions in subsequent messages to keep the conversation flowing as easily as possible. You can suggest moving the conversation to text or another mode, if you feel comfortable.

    6. Don’t get ahead of yourself, be realistic

      Don’t get your heart set on a specific person prematurely. Just because you may think you’ve met your soul mate after reading their profile does not mean this is necessarily the reality. Try not to get overly attached to the idea of a person that you may have conjured up in your head before actually getting to know the person. Be open to the idea that this person may not be exactly what you are expecting and to take things one step at a time.

    7. Arrange to meet as soon as you feel comfortable

      It’s definitely a good idea to keep interactions online-based in the beginning, for safety reasons. Be sure to look out for red flags that they’re not being honest and don’t proceed if you have any doubts. However, once you feel comfortable enough, arrange a meeting in a public place. The longer that you talk to a person via messaging or even on the phone without meeting them, the more likely you are to form an unrealistic idea of them in your mind – one that they couldn’t possibly live up to. In a lot of cases, you will have a much better idea of whether or not the relationship could progress after the very first meeting. If you realize after the meeting that they are not what you are looking for…

    8. Be honest if you aren’t interested, don’t lead them on

      Don’t string someone along just because you are scared to hurt their feelings or reject them. Making them think something may happen when you already know it won’t will be much harder to deal with in the long run. Be nice but direct and tell them that you have enjoyed getting to know them but don’t think the two of you are compatible. Don’t feel guilty about being honest about your true feelings.

    9. Be patient

      It can be easy to feel frustrated after not finding anyone that you click with after a few months of trying. Don’t give up. These things can take time, and you never know when you might meet the person you spend the rest of your life with.

    10. Don’t be ashamed to tell people you are dating online

      Using an online dating website does NOT mean you are desperate, unattractive, or unlovable. Thankfully, the stigmas surrounding online dating are beginning to disappear, but some people are still hesitant to reveal that they are online dating or that they did not meet their spouse the “natural” way. With technology advancing at lightning speed, meeting online is becoming the new normal. When I was contemplating trying online dating, the question that I kept asking myself was, “If I were to meet my spouse on a website, would I be upset that this was the way that we met?” My answer was always a resounding NO. Given the choice between meeting my spouse through online dating or not meeting him at all, I think most people will agree with my perspective.

Good luck with all of your online dating endeavors. Have fun and stay safe!


✿ Katie ✿